Saturday, July 7, 2012

Coming home

I haven't visited my mission since the year I did my leveling coursework at Tech... April 2009. And it has been so long that I forgot where I was from.

As I drove through the mountains I had this overwhelming feeling of coming home. It was funny because all was suddenly right with the world and I knew which way was up and which way was down. I knew that I had a place an belonged, and that place was mine and I was it's. But I can't really tell anyone that because they wont believe me. I didn't grow up there, I'm not from there, so how can I claim it as my own. It was funny because all it took for this rush of love and belonging was to recognize the mountains and smell the air.

It has been too long because I'd forgotten. I 'd forgotten the smells and the sounds. I once remembered them so well because I'd visit them as I'd fall asleep, pretending to be there because I missed it so much. A lot changes about a person while they are away I suppose because I don't remember the last time I thought about those little things that I once played over and over in my head.

That feeling of being home felt good and it helped things make sense. I know the people from my mission, the ones I taught, the ones that used to come out with us... I know that they love me. And I realized that my mission and the things of my mission are the only times that I truly feel confident about being loved, being wanted, and being worthwhile. I know what I did there mattered. I know that it mattered to those people, and I know that I matter to those people.

And I'd forgotten that is what home feels like. It is unconditional love. It is confidence in being loved, being wanted and being worthwhile. It is confidence in the fact that one matters.


  1. I loved this post. It made me cry. Probably partly because of all these blasted pregnancy hormones, and partly because of the day I'm having, but I loved it nonetheless.

  2. LOL, glad you loved it Tanis. Blast those pregnancy hormones!