Monday, December 24, 2012
Christmas Eve
Christmas Truce by Fritz Vincken
" It was Christmas Eve, and the last, desperate German offensive of World War II raged around our tiny cabin. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door... "
When we heard the knock on our door that Christmas Eve in 1944, neither Mother nor I had the slightest inkling of the quiet miracle that lay in store for us.
I was 12 then, and we were living in a small cottage in the Hürtgen Forest, near the German-Belgian border. Father had stayed at the cottage on hunting weekends before the war; when Allied bombers partly destroyed our hometown of Aachen, he sent us to live there. He had been ordered into the civil-defense fire guard in the border town of Monschau, four miles away.
"You'll be safe in the woods," he had told me. "Take care of Mother. Now you're the man of the family."
But, nine days before Christmas, Field Marshal von Rundstedt had launched the last, desperate German offensive of the war, and now, as I went to the door, the Battle of the Bulge was raging all around us. We heard the incessant booming of field guns; planes soared continuously overhead; at night, searchlights stabbed through the darkness. Thousands of Allied and German soldiers were fighting and dying nearby.
When that first knock came, Mother quickly blew out the candles; then, as I went to answer it, she stepped ahead of me and pushed open the door. Outside, like phantoms against the snowclad trees, stood two steel-helmeted men. One of them spoke to Mother in a language we did not understand, pointing to a third man lying in the snow. She realized before I did that these were American soldiers. Enemies!
Mother stood silent, motionless, her hand on my shoulder. They were armed and could have forced their entrance, yet they stood there and asked with their eyes. And the wounded man seemed more dead than alive. "Kommt rein," Mother said finally. "Come in." The soldiers carried their comrade inside and stretched him out on my bed.
None of them understood German. Mother tried French, and one of the soldiers could converse in that language. As Mother went to look after the wounded man, she said to me, "The fingers of those two are numb. Take off their jackets and boots, and bring in a bucket of snow." Soon I was rubbing their blue feet with snow.
We learned that the stocky, dark- haired fellow was Jim; his friend, tall and slender, was Robin. Harry, the wounded one, was now sleeping on my bed, his face as white as the snow outside. They'd lost their battalion and had wandered in the forest for three days, looking for the Americans, hiding from the Germans. They hadn't shaved, but still, without their heavy coats, they looked merely like big boys. And that was the way Mother began to treat them.
Now Mother said to me, "Go get Hermann. And bring six potatoes."
This was a serious departure from our pre-Christmas plans. Hermann was the plump rooster(named after portly Hermann G ring, Hitler's No. 2, for whom Mother had little affection) that we had been fattening for weeks in the hope that Father would be home for Christmas. But, some hours before, when it was obvious that Father would not make it, Mother had decided that Hermann should live a few more days, in case Father could get home for New Year's. Now she had changed her mind again: Hermann would serve an immediate, pressing purpose.
While Jim and I helped with the cooking, Robin took care of Harry. He had a bullet through his upper leg, and had almost bled to death. Mother tore a bedsheet into long strips for bandages.
Soon, the tempting smell of roast chicken permeated our room. I was setting the table when once again there came a knock at the door.
Expecting to find more lost Americans, I opened the door without hesitation. There stood four soldiers, wearing uniforms quite familiar to me after five years of war. They were Wehrmacht¡ªGermans!
I was paralyzed with fear. Although still a child, I knew the harsh law: sheltering enemy soldiers constituted high treason. We could all be shot! Mother was frightened, too. Her face was white, but she stepped outside and said, quietly, "Fröhliche Weihnachten." The soldiers wished her a Merry Christmas, too.
"We have lost our regiment and would like to wait for daylight," explained the corporal. "Can we rest here?"
"Of course," Mother replied, with a calmness born of panic. "You can also have a fine, warm meal and eat till the pot is empty."
The Germans smiled as they sniffed the aroma through the half-open door. "But," Mother added firmly, "we have three other guests, whom you may not consider friends." Now her voice was suddenly sterner than I'd ever heard it before. "This is Christmas Eve, and there will be no shooting here."
"Who's inside?" the corporal demanded. "Amerikaner?"
Mother looked at each frost-chilled face. "Listen," she said slowly. "You could be my sons, and so could those in there. A boy with a gunshot wound, fighting for his life. His two friends¡ªlost like you and just as hungry and exhausted as you are. This one night," she turned to the corporal and raised her voice a little, "this Christmas night, let us forget about killing."
The corporal stared at her. There were two or three endless seconds of silence. Then Mother put an end to indecision. "Enough talking!" she ordered and clapped her hands sharply. "Please put your weapons here on the woodpile¡ªand hurry up before the others eat the dinner!"
Dazedly, the four soldiers placed their arms on the pile of firewood just inside the door: three carbines, a light machine gun and two bazookas. Meanwhile, Mother was speaking French rapidly to Jim. He said something in English, and to my amazement I saw the American boys, too, turn their weapons over to Mother.
Now, as Germans and Americans tensely rubbed elbows in the small room, Mother was really on her mettle. Never losing her smile, she tried to find a seat for everyone. We had only three chairs, but Mother's bed was big, and on it she placed two of the newcomers side by side with Jim and Robin.
Despite the strained atmosphere, Mother went right on preparing dinner. But Hermann wasn't going to grow any bigger, and now there were four more mouths to feed. "Quick," she whispered to me, "get more potatoes and some oats. These boys are hungry, and a starving man is an angry one."
While foraging in the storage room, I heard Harry moan. When I returned, one of the Germans had put on his glasses to inspect the American's wound. "Do you belong to the medical corps?" Mother asked him. "No," he answered. "But I studied medicine at Heidelberg until a few months ago." Thanks to the cold, he told the Americans in what sounded like fairly good English, Harry's wound hadn't become infected. "He is suffering from a severe loss of blood," he explained to Mother. "What he needs is rest and nourishment."
Relaxation was now beginning to replace suspicion. Even to me, all the soldiers looked very young as we sat there together. Heinz and Willi, both from Cologne, were 16. The German corporal, at 23, was the oldest of them all. From his food bag he drew out a bottle of red wine, and Heinz managed to find a loaf of rye bread. Mother cut that in small pieces to be served with the dinner; half the wine, however, she put away¡ª"for the wounded boy."
Then Mother said grace. I noticed that there were tears in her eyes as she said the old, familiar words, "Komm, Herr Jesus. Be our guest." And as I looked around the table, I saw tears, too, in the eyes of the battle-weary soldiers, boys again, some from America, some from Germany, all far from home.
Just before midnight, Mother went to the doorstep and asked us to join her to look up at the Star of Bethlehem. We all stood beside her except Harry, who was sleeping. For all of us during that moment of silence, looking at the brightest star in the heavens, the war was a distant, almost-forgotten thing.
Our private armistice continued next morning. Harry woke in the early hours, and swallowed some broth that Mother fed him. With the dawn, it was apparent that he was becoming stronger. Mother now made him an invigorating drink from our one egg, the rest of the corporal's wine and some sugar. Everyone else had oatmeal. Afterward, two poles and Mother's best tablecloth were fashioned into a stretcher for Harry.
The corporal then advised the Americans how to find their way back to their lines. Looking over Jim's map, the corporal pointed out a stream. "Continue along this creek," he said, "and you will find the 1st Army rebuilding its forces on its upper course." The medical student relayed the information in English.
"Why don't we head for Monschau?" Jim had the student ask. "Nein!" the corporal exclaimed. "We've retaken Monschau."
Now Mother gave them all back their weapons. "Be careful, boys," she said. "I want you to get home someday where you belong. God bless you all!" The German and American soldiers shook hands, and we watched them disappear in opposite directions.
When I returned inside, Mother had brought out the old family Bible. I glanced over her shoulder. The book was open to the Christmas story, the Birth in the Manger and how the Wise Men came from afar bearing their gifts. Her finger was tracing the last line from Matthew 2:12: "...they departed into their own country another way."
Friday, December 21, 2012
A brief treatise on time
Earlier this week I was at dinner with a couple of friends. One of the people, one who has always struck me as very busy, commented that not having time for a person didn't mean she didn't care. I thought about this for the next few days and had a couple more experiences with the concept, but have come to the conclusion that in relationships (i.e. when we have to deal with people) time is a valuable commodity. It is like the flour in a cake, the egg in a quiche, the meat in a Sunday roast. It is the foundation of a building. Without time there is no relationship.
I realize that different people speak different love languages. That for some the giving of service or gifts or words or touch is more important than the gift of time. It is interesting though how time is an element of each of those other gifts. What gift is more meaningful? One that someone has put time and effort into? Or whatever was the first item he saw when he walked through the doors at wal-mart? What service is more meaningful? Sure I'll help you out with bathing the kids and putting them to bed tonight, or I spent all day at work making money to pay the bills, and now you want more of my time? What gift of touch is more meaningful? A pat on the head or a long embrace? Which words say more "I care about you"? I'm so glad you are here! We couldn't have done it without you! You look so good today by the way. Or does 'sup send the better message?
As one to whom the love language of time speaks very loudly, nothing says "I don't love you" like "I don't want to spend time with you". I've done enough people watching to know that universally people spend their time on the things that they feel are the highest priority. That priority list doesn't always stay the same of course, it is fluctuating as things move around in the time management matrix. And even though gifts and words don't speak as loudly to me, I still understand that an untouched or cast aside gift, says I didn't want it. Not giving a birthday gift to someone who speaks the language of gifts, doesn't say I love you. Withholding physical affection from someone who speaks touch, doesn't say I love you. Neglecting to say thank you, and not giving or withholding compliments doesn't say I love you to the person who speaks words. Ignoring bids of attention for help, refusing to take out the trash, or lend a hand, or even being unaware of when you could have helped out, doesn't say I love you to the person who speaks service.
Lately I've been thinking about why time does speak loudly to me. I realized that in great measure love spelled T-I-M-E to me. But why?
I went and read Elder Uchtdorf's 2010 October General Conference talk "of things that matter most", because that's where I heard that quote about how love is spelled. He talks about how the basics are related to maintaining four types of relationships.
"As we turn to our Heavenly Father and seek His wisdom regarding the things that matter most, we learn over and over again the importance of four key relationships: with our God, with our families, with our fellowman, and with ourselves. As we evaluate our own lives with a willing mind, we will see where we have drifted from the more excellent way. The eyes of our understanding will be opened, and we will recognize what needs to be done to purify our heart and refocus our life."
Relationship #1: God
"We improve our relationship with our Heavenly Father by learning of Him, by communing with Him, by repenting of our sins, and by actively following Jesus Christ, for “no man cometh unto the Father, but by [Christ].” To strengthen our relationship with God, we need some meaningful time alone with Him. Quietly focusing on daily personal prayer and scripture study, always aiming to be worthy of a current temple recommend—these will be some wise investments of our time and efforts to draw closer to our Heavenly Father. Let us heed the invitation in Psalms: “Be still, and know that I am God.”
Wait we need meaningful time alone when strengthening our relationship with God? Why did he say just that? He didn't use the word gifts, touch, or service, he only implied them in the gifts of obedience and temple work. (Both of which require time, actually). But the part about being still, doesn't that mean waiting on The Lord, being patient? Is patience a gift of time?
Relationship #2: Family
"Our second key relationship is with our families. Since “no other success can compensate for failure” here, we must place high priority on our families. We build deep and loving family relationships by doing simple things together, like family dinner and family home evening and by just having fun together. In family relationships love is really spelled t-i-m-e, time. Taking time for each other is the key for harmony at home. We talk with, rather than about, each other. We learn from each other, and we appreciate our differences as well as our commonalities. We establish a divine bond with each other as we approach God together through family prayer, gospel study, and Sunday worship."
Families have to do stuff together! He said simple things. "Taking time for each other is the key for harmony at home". And talking with each other (instead of about each other- telling friends about what a great soccer player your son is isn't the same as telling your son that he is a good soccer player) is important.
As a single adult, I don't yet have my own family. Many times singles refer to roommates, friends, and wards at their surrogate families. If these people really are surrogate families, wouldn't the things Elder Uchtdorf said apply? Would there be more harmony in homes where groups of single people live if they took time for each other? Would there be more harmony in Wards if they took time to do things together? I'm having a difficult time pulling out the languages of gifts, words, service, and touch in what he said about families. It seems like with children and spouses there really is no way around it. You can't give your kids cool presents at Christmas but not spend time with them, thinking that they will feel loved. The absent father who sends money, provides for all the temporal needs, isn't the same as the father who also gives his presence as his present.
Relationship #3: Fellowman
"The third key relationship we have is with our fellowman. We build this relationship one person at a time—by being sensitive to the needs of others, serving them, and giving of our time and talents. I was deeply impressed by one sister who was burdened with the challenges of age and illness but decided that although she couldn’t do much, she could listen. And so each week she watched for people who looked troubled or discouraged, and she spent time with them, listening. What a blessing she was in the lives of so many people."
Service really stands out to me here, putting the needs of someone else above your own. There are so many ways to love people, depending on what they need. But I think the key is being aware of what they need, which to me just goes back to time. How would you know that Sister Jones needs a ride to the airport if all you ever did was wave at church? She wouldn't ask you! How would you know that Sister Davis needs a babysitter for 30 minutes so she can go pick up her daughter who missed the bus home, if you weren't close? Nobody wants to burden anyone else so they don't ask favors from people they aren't close to. But I think Heavenly Father wants us to learn to ask favors from each other... Because doesn't he want us to take care of each other? Doesn't he want us to give our time to each other? Building relationships one person at a time seems like it would require time. When we divide our time between too many, does that effect the quality? Does it effect the individuality? Do we begin to see the needs of others more in a generalized "I'm-not-wearing-my-glasses" kind of way, instead of seeing their needs in a specific and individual "now-that-I-got-glasses-I-can-see-the-individual-leaves-on-the-trees kind of way?
Relationship #4: Yourself
"The fourth key relationship is with ourselves. It may seem odd to think of having a relationship with ourselves, but we do. Some people can’t get along with themselves. They criticize and belittle themselves all day long until they begin to hate themselves. May I suggest that you reduce the rush and take a little extra time to get to know yourself better. Walk in nature, watch a sunrise, enjoy God’s creations, ponder the truths of the restored gospel, and find out what they mean for you personally. Learn to see yourself as Heavenly Father sees you—as His precious daughter or son with divine potential."
Reduce the rush. Did he mean the noise too? And take the TIME to get to know yourself better. I have to spend time with myself!? To me this part brings things full circle. "Be still, and know that I am God". Will giving gifts to myself help me to love me? Will serving myself help me to love me? Will having a bunch of friends help me to love me?
"Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most."
Did Elder Uchtdorf say all that because his love language is quality time? Or is time really the foundational principle behind love, behind charity?
Is what matters most to me, what I love, really where I spend the most of my time? And if it is, I think maybe I need to evaluate my time every so often like I evaluate my budget every so often. Where do I spend my time? Who do I spend it with? What do I spend it on? There are no rollover minutes. At the end of the day, that's all there is. And at the end of the day, have I paid attention to the divine things that matter most?
"My beloved brothers and sisters, I am not certain just what our experience will be on Judgment Day, but I will be very surprised if at some point in that conversation, God does not ask us exactly what Christ asked Peter: “Did you love me?” I think He will want to know if in our very mortal, very inadequate, and sometimes childish grasp of things, did we at least understand one commandment, the first and greatest commandment of them all—“Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind.”And if at such a moment we can stammer out, “Yea, Lord, thou knowest that I love thee,” then He may remind us that the crowning characteristic of love is always loyalty.
“If ye love me, keep my commandments,”Jesus said. So we have neighbors to bless, children to protect, the poor to lift up, and the truth to defend. We have wrongs to make right, truths to share, and good to do. In short, we have a life of devoted discipleship to give in demonstrating our love of The Lord" (Jeffery R. Holland, Oct 2012).
The crowning characteristic of love is loyalty. Can you imagine the conversation before The Lord? "I did care! Just because I didn't have time to go to church doesn't mean I didn't care! Just because I didn't get to the temple doesn't mean I didn't think it wasn't important! I didn't do my visiting teaching, but of course those sisters were important, they are thy children! Sure I didn't help my old lady neighbor but that doesn't mean I didn't care! I was busy, Lord! You understand how it is with work, and traveling and planning vacations, and my calling, and my kids, and all the things I had to do... But even though I didn't give my time to you, you were still important to me. I never hurt anybody, I was good person. "Yea lord, thou knowest that I love thee? Oh to stand with confidence and say that.
"This is the call of Christ to every Christian today: “Feed my lambs. … Feed my sheep”—share my gospel with young and old, lifting, blessing, comforting, encouraging, and building them, especially those who think and believe differently than we do. We feed His lambs in our homes by how we live the gospel: keeping the commandments, praying, studying the scriptures, and emulating His love. We feed His sheep in the Church as we serve in priesthood quorums and auxiliary organizations. And we feed His sheep throughout the world by being good Christian neighbors, practicing the pure religion of visiting and serving the widows, the fatherless, the poor, and all who are in need" (Robert D. Hales, Oct 2012).
"I consider charity—or “the pure love of Christ”—to be the opposite of criticism and judging. In speaking of charity, I do not at this moment have in mind the relief of the suffering through the giving of our substance. That, of course, is necessary and proper. Tonight, however, I have in mind the charity that manifests itself when we are tolerant of others and lenient toward their actions, the kind of charity that forgives, the kind of charity that is patient.
I have in mind the charity that impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, and merciful, not only in times of sickness and affliction and distress but also in times of weakness or error on the part of others.
There is a serious need for the charity that gives attention to those who are unnoticed, hope to those who are discouraged, aid to those who are afflicted. True charity is love in action. The need for charity is everywhere...
Charity is having patience with someone who has let us down. It is resisting the impulse to become offended easily. It is accepting weaknesses and shortcomings. It is accepting people as they truly are. It is looking beyond physical appearances to attributes that will not dim through time. It is resisting the impulse to categorize others...
Charity, that pure love of Christ, is manifest when a group of young women from a singles ward travels hundreds of miles to attend the funeral services for the mother of one of their Relief Society sisters. Charity is shown when devoted visiting teachers return month after month, year after year to the same uninterested, somewhat critical sister. It is evident when an elderly widow is remembered and taken to ward functions and to Relief Society activities. It is felt when the sister sitting alone in Relief Society receives the invitation, “Come—sit by us.”
In a hundred small ways, all of you wear the mantle of charity. Life is perfect for none of us. Rather than being judgmental and critical of each other, may we have the pure love of Christ for our fellow travelers in this journey through life. May we recognize that each one is doing her best to deal with the challenges which come her way, and may we strive to do our best to help out.
Charity has been defined as “the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love,” the “pure love of Christ … ; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with [her].”
“Charity never faileth.” May this long-enduring Relief Society motto, this timeless truth, guide you in everything you do. May it permeate your very souls and find expression in all your thoughts and actions" (Thomas S. Monson, Oct 2010).
Charity, especially the kind from the above quote, seems to me to have a foundation in time. Patience with someone who has let us down.. Isn't that giving them time? Visiting teaching... Doesn't that take time? Kindness... Isn't that time? Forgiveness... I know that one requires time! (Lol)
Why does time speak loudly to me? Is it because it really is everywhere? Or do I see it everywhere because it speaks to me? Is it really foundational to love and charity? Or do I just see it as such because it is what I want to see?
The person I talked with at dinner earlier this week mentions almost every time that I see her, that we need to get together. We still haven't yet. She hasn't had time. Lol. I give her the benefit of the doubt... But after an extended period of that, the benefit part seems to wane and all that is left is the doubt. Did you really want to do something?
But if love is time...
Psalm 27:14
Then I also need to give my time.
I realize that different people speak different love languages. That for some the giving of service or gifts or words or touch is more important than the gift of time. It is interesting though how time is an element of each of those other gifts. What gift is more meaningful? One that someone has put time and effort into? Or whatever was the first item he saw when he walked through the doors at wal-mart? What service is more meaningful? Sure I'll help you out with bathing the kids and putting them to bed tonight, or I spent all day at work making money to pay the bills, and now you want more of my time? What gift of touch is more meaningful? A pat on the head or a long embrace? Which words say more "I care about you"? I'm so glad you are here! We couldn't have done it without you! You look so good today by the way. Or does 'sup send the better message?
As one to whom the love language of time speaks very loudly, nothing says "I don't love you" like "I don't want to spend time with you". I've done enough people watching to know that universally people spend their time on the things that they feel are the highest priority. That priority list doesn't always stay the same of course, it is fluctuating as things move around in the time management matrix. And even though gifts and words don't speak as loudly to me, I still understand that an untouched or cast aside gift, says I didn't want it. Not giving a birthday gift to someone who speaks the language of gifts, doesn't say I love you. Withholding physical affection from someone who speaks touch, doesn't say I love you. Neglecting to say thank you, and not giving or withholding compliments doesn't say I love you to the person who speaks words. Ignoring bids of attention for help, refusing to take out the trash, or lend a hand, or even being unaware of when you could have helped out, doesn't say I love you to the person who speaks service.
Lately I've been thinking about why time does speak loudly to me. I realized that in great measure love spelled T-I-M-E to me. But why?
I went and read Elder Uchtdorf's 2010 October General Conference talk "of things that matter most", because that's where I heard that quote about how love is spelled. He talks about how the basics are related to maintaining four types of relationships.
"As we turn to our Heavenly Father and seek His wisdom regarding the things that matter most, we learn over and over again the importance of four key relationships: with our God, with our families, with our fellowman, and with ourselves. As we evaluate our own lives with a willing mind, we will see where we have drifted from the more excellent way. The eyes of our understanding will be opened, and we will recognize what needs to be done to purify our heart and refocus our life."
Relationship #1: God
"We improve our relationship with our Heavenly Father by learning of Him, by communing with Him, by repenting of our sins, and by actively following Jesus Christ, for “no man cometh unto the Father, but by [Christ].” To strengthen our relationship with God, we need some meaningful time alone with Him. Quietly focusing on daily personal prayer and scripture study, always aiming to be worthy of a current temple recommend—these will be some wise investments of our time and efforts to draw closer to our Heavenly Father. Let us heed the invitation in Psalms: “Be still, and know that I am God.”
Wait we need meaningful time alone when strengthening our relationship with God? Why did he say just that? He didn't use the word gifts, touch, or service, he only implied them in the gifts of obedience and temple work. (Both of which require time, actually). But the part about being still, doesn't that mean waiting on The Lord, being patient? Is patience a gift of time?
Relationship #2: Family
"Our second key relationship is with our families. Since “no other success can compensate for failure” here, we must place high priority on our families. We build deep and loving family relationships by doing simple things together, like family dinner and family home evening and by just having fun together. In family relationships love is really spelled t-i-m-e, time. Taking time for each other is the key for harmony at home. We talk with, rather than about, each other. We learn from each other, and we appreciate our differences as well as our commonalities. We establish a divine bond with each other as we approach God together through family prayer, gospel study, and Sunday worship."
Families have to do stuff together! He said simple things. "Taking time for each other is the key for harmony at home". And talking with each other (instead of about each other- telling friends about what a great soccer player your son is isn't the same as telling your son that he is a good soccer player) is important.
As a single adult, I don't yet have my own family. Many times singles refer to roommates, friends, and wards at their surrogate families. If these people really are surrogate families, wouldn't the things Elder Uchtdorf said apply? Would there be more harmony in homes where groups of single people live if they took time for each other? Would there be more harmony in Wards if they took time to do things together? I'm having a difficult time pulling out the languages of gifts, words, service, and touch in what he said about families. It seems like with children and spouses there really is no way around it. You can't give your kids cool presents at Christmas but not spend time with them, thinking that they will feel loved. The absent father who sends money, provides for all the temporal needs, isn't the same as the father who also gives his presence as his present.
Relationship #3: Fellowman
"The third key relationship we have is with our fellowman. We build this relationship one person at a time—by being sensitive to the needs of others, serving them, and giving of our time and talents. I was deeply impressed by one sister who was burdened with the challenges of age and illness but decided that although she couldn’t do much, she could listen. And so each week she watched for people who looked troubled or discouraged, and she spent time with them, listening. What a blessing she was in the lives of so many people."
Service really stands out to me here, putting the needs of someone else above your own. There are so many ways to love people, depending on what they need. But I think the key is being aware of what they need, which to me just goes back to time. How would you know that Sister Jones needs a ride to the airport if all you ever did was wave at church? She wouldn't ask you! How would you know that Sister Davis needs a babysitter for 30 minutes so she can go pick up her daughter who missed the bus home, if you weren't close? Nobody wants to burden anyone else so they don't ask favors from people they aren't close to. But I think Heavenly Father wants us to learn to ask favors from each other... Because doesn't he want us to take care of each other? Doesn't he want us to give our time to each other? Building relationships one person at a time seems like it would require time. When we divide our time between too many, does that effect the quality? Does it effect the individuality? Do we begin to see the needs of others more in a generalized "I'm-not-wearing-my-glasses" kind of way, instead of seeing their needs in a specific and individual "now-that-I-got-glasses-I-can-see-the-individual-leaves-on-the-trees kind of way?
Relationship #4: Yourself
"The fourth key relationship is with ourselves. It may seem odd to think of having a relationship with ourselves, but we do. Some people can’t get along with themselves. They criticize and belittle themselves all day long until they begin to hate themselves. May I suggest that you reduce the rush and take a little extra time to get to know yourself better. Walk in nature, watch a sunrise, enjoy God’s creations, ponder the truths of the restored gospel, and find out what they mean for you personally. Learn to see yourself as Heavenly Father sees you—as His precious daughter or son with divine potential."
Reduce the rush. Did he mean the noise too? And take the TIME to get to know yourself better. I have to spend time with myself!? To me this part brings things full circle. "Be still, and know that I am God". Will giving gifts to myself help me to love me? Will serving myself help me to love me? Will having a bunch of friends help me to love me?
"Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most."
Did Elder Uchtdorf say all that because his love language is quality time? Or is time really the foundational principle behind love, behind charity?
Is what matters most to me, what I love, really where I spend the most of my time? And if it is, I think maybe I need to evaluate my time every so often like I evaluate my budget every so often. Where do I spend my time? Who do I spend it with? What do I spend it on? There are no rollover minutes. At the end of the day, that's all there is. And at the end of the day, have I paid attention to the divine things that matter most?
"My beloved brothers and sisters, I am not certain just what our experience will be on Judgment Day, but I will be very surprised if at some point in that conversation, God does not ask us exactly what Christ asked Peter: “Did you love me?” I think He will want to know if in our very mortal, very inadequate, and sometimes childish grasp of things, did we at least understand one commandment, the first and greatest commandment of them all—“Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind.”And if at such a moment we can stammer out, “Yea, Lord, thou knowest that I love thee,” then He may remind us that the crowning characteristic of love is always loyalty.
“If ye love me, keep my commandments,”Jesus said. So we have neighbors to bless, children to protect, the poor to lift up, and the truth to defend. We have wrongs to make right, truths to share, and good to do. In short, we have a life of devoted discipleship to give in demonstrating our love of The Lord" (Jeffery R. Holland, Oct 2012).
The crowning characteristic of love is loyalty. Can you imagine the conversation before The Lord? "I did care! Just because I didn't have time to go to church doesn't mean I didn't care! Just because I didn't get to the temple doesn't mean I didn't think it wasn't important! I didn't do my visiting teaching, but of course those sisters were important, they are thy children! Sure I didn't help my old lady neighbor but that doesn't mean I didn't care! I was busy, Lord! You understand how it is with work, and traveling and planning vacations, and my calling, and my kids, and all the things I had to do... But even though I didn't give my time to you, you were still important to me. I never hurt anybody, I was good person. "Yea lord, thou knowest that I love thee? Oh to stand with confidence and say that.
"This is the call of Christ to every Christian today: “Feed my lambs. … Feed my sheep”—share my gospel with young and old, lifting, blessing, comforting, encouraging, and building them, especially those who think and believe differently than we do. We feed His lambs in our homes by how we live the gospel: keeping the commandments, praying, studying the scriptures, and emulating His love. We feed His sheep in the Church as we serve in priesthood quorums and auxiliary organizations. And we feed His sheep throughout the world by being good Christian neighbors, practicing the pure religion of visiting and serving the widows, the fatherless, the poor, and all who are in need" (Robert D. Hales, Oct 2012).
"I consider charity—or “the pure love of Christ”—to be the opposite of criticism and judging. In speaking of charity, I do not at this moment have in mind the relief of the suffering through the giving of our substance. That, of course, is necessary and proper. Tonight, however, I have in mind the charity that manifests itself when we are tolerant of others and lenient toward their actions, the kind of charity that forgives, the kind of charity that is patient.
I have in mind the charity that impels us to be sympathetic, compassionate, and merciful, not only in times of sickness and affliction and distress but also in times of weakness or error on the part of others.
There is a serious need for the charity that gives attention to those who are unnoticed, hope to those who are discouraged, aid to those who are afflicted. True charity is love in action. The need for charity is everywhere...
Charity is having patience with someone who has let us down. It is resisting the impulse to become offended easily. It is accepting weaknesses and shortcomings. It is accepting people as they truly are. It is looking beyond physical appearances to attributes that will not dim through time. It is resisting the impulse to categorize others...
Charity, that pure love of Christ, is manifest when a group of young women from a singles ward travels hundreds of miles to attend the funeral services for the mother of one of their Relief Society sisters. Charity is shown when devoted visiting teachers return month after month, year after year to the same uninterested, somewhat critical sister. It is evident when an elderly widow is remembered and taken to ward functions and to Relief Society activities. It is felt when the sister sitting alone in Relief Society receives the invitation, “Come—sit by us.”
In a hundred small ways, all of you wear the mantle of charity. Life is perfect for none of us. Rather than being judgmental and critical of each other, may we have the pure love of Christ for our fellow travelers in this journey through life. May we recognize that each one is doing her best to deal with the challenges which come her way, and may we strive to do our best to help out.
Charity has been defined as “the highest, noblest, strongest kind of love,” the “pure love of Christ … ; and whoso is found possessed of it at the last day, it shall be well with [her].”
“Charity never faileth.” May this long-enduring Relief Society motto, this timeless truth, guide you in everything you do. May it permeate your very souls and find expression in all your thoughts and actions" (Thomas S. Monson, Oct 2010).
Charity, especially the kind from the above quote, seems to me to have a foundation in time. Patience with someone who has let us down.. Isn't that giving them time? Visiting teaching... Doesn't that take time? Kindness... Isn't that time? Forgiveness... I know that one requires time! (Lol)
Why does time speak loudly to me? Is it because it really is everywhere? Or do I see it everywhere because it speaks to me? Is it really foundational to love and charity? Or do I just see it as such because it is what I want to see?
The person I talked with at dinner earlier this week mentions almost every time that I see her, that we need to get together. We still haven't yet. She hasn't had time. Lol. I give her the benefit of the doubt... But after an extended period of that, the benefit part seems to wane and all that is left is the doubt. Did you really want to do something?
But if love is time...
Psalm 27:14
Then I also need to give my time.
Monday, December 10, 2012
The Fall
Tomorrow is supposed to be cold. Cold mornings make me want to stay snuggled in bed. But I love the fall afternoons and the cool breezes. It is perfect running weather.
Lately (the past 3 or 4 months) I feel a significant lack of belonging. I'm not sure where I fit. Or if I even do. It feels like too many pups and too few teats and it isn't my personality to shove another out of the way (assert myself?) just so i can get mine. Maybe if I'd gone to byui (ha!) or worked at ussa (ha!). But comraderie is only part of belonging. I feel no sense of community. I have no people. I'd initially tried very hard to find a niche and resist that "seat's taken!" voice that has berated me for several years now. Admittedly, there was a time when I was beginning to feel like I had a place, that I belonged (I even almost changed my address on my driver's license!), but I lost whatever place it was, like a rug pulled out from under my feet and I landed hard on my rear. And now I'm just feeling part of the adversity of destroyed confidence and shaken sense of self worth, I suppose. I feel like I've been knocked off balance and lost my sense of equilibrium. Where can I turn for peace? Where is my solace when I feel like one of the fall leaves, withering and brown, trembling for dear life at the slightest breeze?
Is this just part of the natural man existence? Part of The Fall? At times I feel like my sins and weaknesses so easily beset me. That I'm so easily beset because I have trouble letting go, and letting God. I was trying to think about what it was exactly that is so hard. I think it is when things aren't fair, when I perceive injustice, when I feel used, when I feel abused. But I need to remember that just because its not fair or right, doesn't mean it won't end up being ok, and it doesn't mean that I'm being used and it doesn't mean that I'm abused. At least not always.
Someone recently sent me this quote:
"We make New Year's resolutions to chip away at some weakness and then make the same resolutions a year later, and a year later, wondering how long God will put up with us. We bury ourselves for less than stellar Sunday school lessons, our annoyances with our children, our lackluster prayers, our 15 extra pounds, our irritability with coworkers, our messy garage, our lack of professional development and take it as a given that God's reaction to these sins and weaknesses would be disappointment, even anger for our lack of commitment, charity, obedience, or sacrifice. We contemplate longingly how much better our lives would be if we could just get rid of these pesky weaknesses that undermine our strengths and separate us from God... Weakness can actually contribute enormously toward spiritual progress and joy if we respond to them with humility and the ability to learn. Great strengths can come out of weaknesses. Such strengths are grounded in the lessons, perspectives, and virtues we can gain as we turn to God with our limitations, pain, disease, struggle, and affliction. This is not to suggest, however, that God wants us to be constantly preoccupied with our weaknesses. Of course we want to improve, but in that process it is vital that we not lose sight of our strengths – our gifts, our goodness, our talents, our virtues. Although weakness can be our great tutor and the seedbed of our greatest learning, ultimately, I believe we are here to magnify our strengths, our callings, and our gifts– not to magnify our brokenness."
All people are broken. No matter how awesome they think they are (and I think those who toot their own horns about their awesomeness are blind in a way, and it's sad because change can't happen, potential can't be realized while unaware. And that's for anyone, own-horn tooter or not. You cannot change what you cannot or are unwilling to see). All people are broken because of The Fall. And because they are broken they have the potential to be so much more than if they'd never been broken or never had weaknesses. But there has to be a balance and perhaps the strengths we now have were once weaknesses turned through His grace, and our present weaknesses are strengths not yet turned through His grace.
I recently read an article on the unrelated topic of feminism. http://mormonscholarstestify.org/1718/valerie-hudson-cassler
The author talked about The Fall, that while it often is thought of as a curse, it is really a blessing (because of Christ's Atonement- without that it would be a curse!) "Jesus’ performance of the Atonement repaid Mother Eve’s faith in the Plan, her courageous opening of the door represented by the First Tree [the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil]".
Am I in any way like Eve? Full of faith in the Plan? Courageous enough to partake of that fruit from that tree? (I guess I ended up on this planet because I chose to partake of it.) Since the fruit of the tree of life was sweet above all that is sweet, does that mean the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil was bitter? or maybe bittersweet? I've had some pretty bitter experiences. But I've had some sweet ones too. Or maybe the sweet ones have come as I've partaken of the Savior and His goodness.
I appreciate the fall trees, all their vibrant colors and beauty. And I'm even beginning to appreciate the tree of The Fall and what it has brought to me.
Lately (the past 3 or 4 months) I feel a significant lack of belonging. I'm not sure where I fit. Or if I even do. It feels like too many pups and too few teats and it isn't my personality to shove another out of the way (assert myself?) just so i can get mine. Maybe if I'd gone to byui (ha!) or worked at ussa (ha!). But comraderie is only part of belonging. I feel no sense of community. I have no people. I'd initially tried very hard to find a niche and resist that "seat's taken!" voice that has berated me for several years now. Admittedly, there was a time when I was beginning to feel like I had a place, that I belonged (I even almost changed my address on my driver's license!), but I lost whatever place it was, like a rug pulled out from under my feet and I landed hard on my rear. And now I'm just feeling part of the adversity of destroyed confidence and shaken sense of self worth, I suppose. I feel like I've been knocked off balance and lost my sense of equilibrium. Where can I turn for peace? Where is my solace when I feel like one of the fall leaves, withering and brown, trembling for dear life at the slightest breeze?
Is this just part of the natural man existence? Part of The Fall? At times I feel like my sins and weaknesses so easily beset me. That I'm so easily beset because I have trouble letting go, and letting God. I was trying to think about what it was exactly that is so hard. I think it is when things aren't fair, when I perceive injustice, when I feel used, when I feel abused. But I need to remember that just because its not fair or right, doesn't mean it won't end up being ok, and it doesn't mean that I'm being used and it doesn't mean that I'm abused. At least not always.
Someone recently sent me this quote:
"We make New Year's resolutions to chip away at some weakness and then make the same resolutions a year later, and a year later, wondering how long God will put up with us. We bury ourselves for less than stellar Sunday school lessons, our annoyances with our children, our lackluster prayers, our 15 extra pounds, our irritability with coworkers, our messy garage, our lack of professional development and take it as a given that God's reaction to these sins and weaknesses would be disappointment, even anger for our lack of commitment, charity, obedience, or sacrifice. We contemplate longingly how much better our lives would be if we could just get rid of these pesky weaknesses that undermine our strengths and separate us from God... Weakness can actually contribute enormously toward spiritual progress and joy if we respond to them with humility and the ability to learn. Great strengths can come out of weaknesses. Such strengths are grounded in the lessons, perspectives, and virtues we can gain as we turn to God with our limitations, pain, disease, struggle, and affliction. This is not to suggest, however, that God wants us to be constantly preoccupied with our weaknesses. Of course we want to improve, but in that process it is vital that we not lose sight of our strengths – our gifts, our goodness, our talents, our virtues. Although weakness can be our great tutor and the seedbed of our greatest learning, ultimately, I believe we are here to magnify our strengths, our callings, and our gifts– not to magnify our brokenness."
All people are broken. No matter how awesome they think they are (and I think those who toot their own horns about their awesomeness are blind in a way, and it's sad because change can't happen, potential can't be realized while unaware. And that's for anyone, own-horn tooter or not. You cannot change what you cannot or are unwilling to see). All people are broken because of The Fall. And because they are broken they have the potential to be so much more than if they'd never been broken or never had weaknesses. But there has to be a balance and perhaps the strengths we now have were once weaknesses turned through His grace, and our present weaknesses are strengths not yet turned through His grace.
I recently read an article on the unrelated topic of feminism. http://mormonscholarstestify.org/1718/valerie-hudson-cassler
The author talked about The Fall, that while it often is thought of as a curse, it is really a blessing (because of Christ's Atonement- without that it would be a curse!) "Jesus’ performance of the Atonement repaid Mother Eve’s faith in the Plan, her courageous opening of the door represented by the First Tree [the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil]".
Am I in any way like Eve? Full of faith in the Plan? Courageous enough to partake of that fruit from that tree? (I guess I ended up on this planet because I chose to partake of it.) Since the fruit of the tree of life was sweet above all that is sweet, does that mean the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil was bitter? or maybe bittersweet? I've had some pretty bitter experiences. But I've had some sweet ones too. Or maybe the sweet ones have come as I've partaken of the Savior and His goodness.
I appreciate the fall trees, all their vibrant colors and beauty. And I'm even beginning to appreciate the tree of The Fall and what it has brought to me.
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