Goalsetting

Setting goals has been on my mind recently. And it's kind of funny how when I'm thinking about something it usually comes up.
Yesterday someone asked me, "So what are your goals for this new year now that you've had a birthday?"
I wasn't really quite sure what to say. I do set goals, but I usually don't write them down. They're typically just things that I think about, that I want to work on, or change, or achieve.
For example, I realized at the beginning of the school year that I stay up too late and it causes me to not want to get up the morning. So I decided to go to bed earlier. I didn't write anything down. I just started going to bed earlier on a consistent basis.
Same with my scripture study, magnifying my calling, attending the temple, etc. I didn't write any of those things down. I just went ahead and did them. Maybe those kinds of things are just simple one step goals and don't require a whole lot of planning and writing down.

As far as having multistep goals that require planning and effort, and writing them down with a plan to achieve them... Those are much less frequent for me. And when my friend asked me what kinds of goals I had planned for myself, this is what I thought this person was talking about. And I didn't really have anything that I felt comfortable sharing.

In late August/early September I had this big goal that I wanted to achieve but I wasn't entirely sure how to go about it. That was one I wrote down. I wrote down the goal and what I needed to do to achieve it. It's funny looking back on it because that goal isn't really measurable. The items needed to achieve it are, but the actual goal I was trying to achieve wasn't measurable. I don't know if it makes as much difference as usually taught, because I have been progressing toward said goal. But it also isn't a goal that really has a timeline to achieve. But maybe that's the way real goals should be. They should be measurable and have a timeline. But maybe not all are like that. I don't really know.

Last year (around December) I actually created a vision board for myself. It is kind of like a visual for goals. I got the idea from an article I read a long time ago about a man who upon moving into his new big fancy dream house that he finally was able to buy, he was unpacking his office and he found a vision board he had created many years prior. On the board he found a picture of the house he just bought, cut out from a magazine. He had forgotten about cutting out the picture and putting it on his board. It was funny because he bought the exact same house from the picture. I took my vision board apart when I moved rooms after breaking off my engagement with Brad. I haven't made a new one yet.

I'm not sure what I would put on it. It was kind of hard to make the first one because the majority of the things I desire are not tangible things. And sometimes it is literally impossible to even visualize how to bring them into fruition. That kind of thing requires the powers of Heaven.

Like I said at the beginning, it's funny how when I think about something it comes up. Today I read 2 Nephi 8-9 and this quote:
"Keeping everything in balance can be a real problem... Often the lack of clear direction and goals can waste away our time and energy and contribute to imbalance in our lives. ...Our main goal should be to seek "immortality and eternal life." With this as our goal, why not eliminate from our lives the things that clamor for and consume our thoughts, feelings, and energies without contributing to our reaching that goal?" ~ M. Russell Ballard
There was a follow up question that said, "How do you spend your time, money, and energy?" I think that we spend our time, money, and energy on the things that are important to us, and where and what we spend those resources on indicate what our real priorities are.

Pumpkins

I really like October. The air gets a little cooler but the sun is warm, honeycrisp apples can be found in the stores, some trees begin to change colors. Fall is one of my favorite seasons. October always reminds me of pumpkins. And pumpkins are actually kind of cool. Did you know that there were so many different kinds? I did not!

Some of the kids decorated pumpkins like characters from different books they have been reading...

 Flounder from the Little Mermaid, Nemo, Tinkerbell...

 Thing 2...

Clifford, Papa Smurf...

 Kung-Fu Panda, Lightning McQueen, Jack Skeltington, some giant bat-thing?...

Hello Kitty, a cool Shark, and my favorite ninja turtle... Michelangelo!

Some of these kids are so cool!

A Knowlton Knight knows what's right.

This school year I am working at 4 different campuses. Each is unique and has its own special things. One of the schools is called Knowlton Elementary.

And a Knowlton Knight knows what's right. In the office there is a mural with knights on either side of the drawbridge.  Very cool. The picture doesn't really do it justice.

Knowlton is a fun little place.

Librarians

This past week I was sitting in the library to use a printer (I still don't have a computer and I really need one!) and two children came in to return their books and check out some new ones. Sounds like a great idea! Only the librarian didn't think so. She immediately chastised them for being in the library and told them that they needed to get harder books. She didn't want to see them in there every day! She told them to get books that would take them at least a week to read.

As I sat there I wondered if their parents ever took them to the city library to check out book. I thought about myself as a 9 or 10 year old. It never took me a week to read any book. But I don't recall any school librarian telling me she didn't want to see me everyday. Maybe I didn't go to the library at school since I'd already read everything. I thought about the librarian at Hamilton high school and how she was a Nazi about her library. No students! was kind of her motto. I don't think I ever checked out a book from her anyway. Thank goodness for other people (Mrs. Jones) who continued to encourage reading and thinking.

I really loved to read as a kid. I remember my book collection that I kept in this wicker shelf my mother gave me. I remember around 7 or 8 years old I really liked to read those Goosebump books and the Babysitter Club series. I had a lot of those. My mom introduced me to a lot of books. She always loved to read. She introduced me to the Box Car Children, Ralph S. Mouse, Henry Higgins and his friends, Anastasia and her little brother Sam, and Fudge.

I wanted to be a writer once.... well a couple of times actually. Sometimes it was highly encouraged but other times it wasn't. I remember talking about wanting to be a writer when I had this interview for a big 4 year scholarship. It was the Terry Scholarship, and is given to students wanting to attend UT or A&M. They pay for your trip to go to the interview and everything. We had to drive to Temple I think for the interview and I had to sit on one side of a long table with about 5 adults on the other side. It was kind of intimidating.  They asked me a lot of questions, one of which was about what I wanted to do with my life. I talked about writing, why I liked it, how it made me feel. We had to have 3 reference letters to apply for the scholarship. I chose teachers from each of the three high schools I had attended. They were all my English teachers actually. They all wrote very nice things about me, about my zest for life, love of learning, and skill at writing. They were the kinds of influence that made me want to be a writer. They loved all the things I wrote about. But I remember sitting there across the table from these grown ups who hadn't ever met me and them asking me,what I wanted to be when I grew up and then responding with a disappointed "Oh".

Either way, I didn't become a writer. That influence just wasn't there when I was in college. I dabbled in journalism but A&M was closing their program so I switched to speech communication and then dabbled in telecom and radio, and found a niche in rhetoric and communication theory. I liked to learn about how and why people interact with each other. I really liked linguistics and took a health communication class from my adviser in the comm department who was actually a speech-language pathologist. She suggested I shadow at a clinic to see if I liked speech-language pathology. So my path went down that way.

But I think there is a part of me that would still like to write.

Things always work out

This past weekend was General Conference. I really love conference time. I went to my friend Jess' home to watch it, despite her warning about her kids. I'm really glad I was able to watch it with her and family.

For some time now (consciously since late July) I have been actively seeking to feel the Lord's love and see His hand in my life. Knowing of my Savior's and my Heavenly Father's love for me isn't something innately there for me. For whatever reason it is a spiritual gift that I have to learn to cultivate here... and sometimes have to work very hard at if I want to feel it. Those who seem to feel it so abundantly and frequently don't know what a beautiful blessing it is to have feelings of His love with such ease. And of course anytime one attempts to put forth conscious effort in spiritual matters that's when things get harder. At least that is what happens to me it seems.

His love is a beautiful thing. When I feel it I feel empowered. I feel hopeful and bright, I am confident in who I am and what I do. I want very much to teach my own children about His love so that they can face the future with optimism and confidence. I don't want them to lose trust in God's love because it really does "sustain and motivate one along the path of righteousness."

Being with kids this weekend was a lot of fun, but a lot of work too. My friend really is a super woman. I don't know how she does it. But somehow she does. And she does well too. Perhaps it is that love of God that sustains and motivates her.

Tonight I had to teach the family home evening lesson. Discipleship kept coming to my mind as I thought on what to teach about. There was a lot in the Sunday afternoon session that made me think about discipleship, what that means and what that looks like. We watched some highlights from some of the talks and talked about being disciples of Christ.

"Ultimately it is by submission to His will that helps us become as our Savior is. Again, becoming like Him and being one with Him is the ultimate goal and objective, and essentially the true definition of true discipleship".
~Daniel L. Johnson

I know the Savior went through the wine press alone but sometimes I feel in a wine press of sorts at times. I wonder if others ever feel that way. I'm sure someone does. Maybe we all do at one point or another. In fact, I'm sure we do because President Eyring said, "The great test of life is to see whether we will hearten to and obey God's commands in the midst of the storms of life. It is not to endure storms but to choose the right while they rage... It will take unshakable faith in The Lord Jesus Christ to choose the way to eternal life. It is by using that faith we can know the will of God. It is by acting on that faith we build the strength to do the will of God. And then it is by exercising that faith in Jesus Christ that we can resist temptation and gain forgiveness through the Atonement".

Who knows, maybe there is something really great right around the corner. But if not... things always work out.

Oh great God, be small enough to hear me now.

There were times when I was crying from the dark of Daniels den.
And I have asked you once or twice if you would part the sea again.
But tonight I do not need a firey pillar in the sky.
Just want to know your gonna hold me, if I start to cry.

Oh great God, be small enough to hear me now.

Oh great God, be close enough to feel you now.

There have been moments, when I could not face Goliath on my own.
And how could I forget, we marched around our share of Jericho.
But I will not be setting out a fleece for you tonight.
Just want to know that everything will be alright.

Oh great God, be close enough to feel you now.

All praise and all the honor be, to the God of ancient mysteries.
Who’s every side and wonder, turned the pages of our history.
But tonight my heart is heavy, and I cannot keep from whispering this prayer,
“Are you there?”

And I know you could leave writing on the wall that’s just for me,
or some wisdom when I sleeping like in Solomon's sweet dreams.
But I don’t need the strength of Sampson, or a chariot in the air.
Just want to know, that you still know how many hairs are on my head.

Oh great God, are you small enough, be small enough to hear me now.

Song of the Day.

Por que asi me siento yo.

Beach cruisers and sand volleyball

I like riding a beach cruiser. It is a big bicycle with fat tires and a fat seat. There are no gears to change and if you want to break, pedal backwards.

I pedaled behind Kathleen this morning as we headed to the beach for volleyball. My sarong was tied up to keep it out of the chain and my white legs pumped up and down as the chain squeaked in rhythm with the pumping of my piston like legs. I couldn't help thinking that my legs are fat, like the fat tires and the fat seat, but oddly pallid compared to the locals.

I got sunburned on Saturday, so today my goal is to stay out of the sun as much as possible while Kathleen plays volleyball. Kathleen played on one court with some friends. She comes out so often she knows most everyone. Some guys on a neighboring court were short one person because he hadn't shown up yet and asked if I'd like to fill in for a game until he gets there. Me? I'm intimidated by the tall, dark, toned women who are all completely unabashed at running around in nothing but their bikinis. Would I, the short, fat, pasty girl, without the personality to make up for it, like to play with some handsome, tan, muscle-ie men? Why not?
Can I just say that sand volleyball is like the toughest workout ever! My core was so sore when we got done from constantly shifting my balance in the changing sand. These people must be amazing. They make it look so effortless. The game went ok, but of course my teammate and I lost. They were nice guys. But I was so done! I made a little chit chat post game but seriously felt like I was going to black out, so it didn't last very long, until I thanked them for the game and dismissed myself. Guess I should have eaten a little protein for breakfast instead of just cereal. I was really grateful to sit on my towel in the shade after that game. And I'm so grateful that I didn't pass out in front of anybody.

Why leave pickles by the mailbox?

As I arrived home this afternoon I noticed that someone had left pickles by the mailbox! What the random... And who does that?

It is a true story. Had they still been there when I passed by I would have picked them up. But they were gone when I went by again an hour later. Who left them and for whom they were left will remain a mystery I am sure.

There must be an epidemic in the neighborhood because some mysterious visitor left me a gift with instructions to meet them this evening at a given place and time. My roommate handed me the mysterious note and said she found it outside which I did not believe because I had been outside and there hadn't been any card on the porch. I knew that whoever it was had been intercepted because she was outside watering the lawn. Of course she denied knowledge of the culprit and of course I didn't believe that either but there wasn't any sense in probing further because I'm sure she'd been sworn to secrecy by default.

Can I just say anonymous notes and such can be a little bit nerve racking for the recipient, especially when it involves the recipient taking an active role. Sometimes it is difficult to get all excited about putting yourself out there to meet some unknown person/s and to be there or be square.

I have some really vivid memories of 5th grade and being square. I was really nervous about being in a new school. One of the first assignments we had was to come up with a product and a commercial for it using a prop from a box the teacher provided. By the time the box got to me there weren't very many things to choose from. I chose a plastic stick that had one of those things inside it so that when you turned the stick the part inside would slide to the other end and make a funny sound. My product I made from that was called Mr. Loony Shampoo. I used the stick like a shampoo bottle and when you turned the bottle upside down to squirt out the shampoo it made the noise. Other students in the class were supposed to provide feedback based on each presentation. The majority of critiques on my commercial involved how I should have made better eye contact and looked up more. I was so nervous and shy and I didn't know anyone. I remember it being so hard to look up at the other kids, and honestly I don't think I looked up at all during the two minutes I was in front of the whole class pretending to shampoo my hair with this silly Mr. Loony Shampoo that made a noise when you used it. I remember that two boys were pretty nice about it though. Their names were Mark and Robert. Mark had a really cool watch and Robert's favorite color was black and he was allergic to chocolate.

I remember there were two Andrews in my class. Both were really tall. Andrew Ramirez was quiet with a dark complexion and Andrew Davis was a red head and an only child. I knew he was an only child because his mom worked with my mom at the primary school and one time I went to his house and in true only kid fashion was excited to share all his I'm-the-only-one-my-parents-have-to-spend-money-on kind of toys, like the batting cage in the backyard. It was a sweet cage and he and I fed balls through the pitching machine for each other.

I remember that on the first day I met Kristen Clement who was new that year too, but it was because her mom had died recently and they moved to a different house. She had three sisters and her dad. We became friends because neither one of us knew anybody.

I also remember the time that OJ (his real name was Oscar) blamed me in front of the whole class for passing gas and everyone laughed. I tried to turn it around and blame him but he just laughed and didn't care. It was during math class on the day we learned about tessellations and had to make our own.

I remember once we had a program we were supposed to practice for so we were on the stage in the auditorium but the air conditioning wasn't on. It was really hot and I started to feel sick standing under the bright stage lights. Before I could even say anything about it to the teacher, I stepped through the row of kids in front of me and barfed everywhere. Kids scattered like nothing I'd ever seen before.

I remember on field day our class was really excited about the tug-of-war. Maddy Dizdar was probably the most popular girl in the class, maybe even in all of fifth grade, and she was planning out how we would win the tug-of-war. "All the fat people need to go at the back," she said before she turned to me and said, "Except for you, Breanne. You can go at the front because you are strong."

I remember what it felt like to shave my legs for the first time. I got to school and it was chilly but I was wearing shorts. There was heavy dew on the grass and on the playground equipment. And for some reason I want to say it was November. My legs felt so different that surely others noticed as much I did. If it really was November, I had just turned 11.

When I went to meet my mysterious gifter/s I remembered all of these things and I worried that no one would be there waiting, that the joke would be on me and I would be the square.

I was much more fortunate than my younger self. Friends were waiting and excited that I had come. I thought there must be something to be learned about letting me be loved.

If her bite was as big as her bark

God sure puts some big things in small packages sometimes. My roommate has a little shih tzu aptly named Kely (pronounced kay-lee), which means "little one" in Malagasy.

This morning she seemed like she needed to go out so I put her on a leash and we went outside. Some big dogs were outside on somebody's lawn two houses down. They had collars so they obviously belonged to somebody and I assumed they had gotten out. And I just find that irritating. The most irritating thing about it is that it happens all too frequently and the dogs come down to the end of the cul-de-sac where we live and go under the fence.

Kely of course when she saw the dogs started barking because she is a big thing in a little body and isn't afraid of anything just because it is bigger than she is. The other dogs began barking and Kely tugged on the leash ready to chase them away.

"Why not?" I thought. "We are close enough to the house and could escape them if we need to." So Kely and I chased the dogs. Kely loved it and the dogs ran away... All the way home to their yard. So we shut the gate. Hopefully they will stay there! And hopefully they lived there... haha!